Monday, April 1, 2013

Messy Monday: Mirror Mirror

Happy Easter Monday! He is Risen Indeed, Alleluia!

After taking Holy Week off (semi-intentionally) I think it is time to hop back into the blog. And just in case you are wondering- the mess for "Messy Monday" is yours truly.
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I'm a big fan of messing with my babies. I stick mirrors in front of them. It's adorable, right?
 
 
We have two full length mirrors. The one above was about 5 bucks at some Super-Duper-Mart type store. It is now cracked and smudged and scratched.
 
It's my favorite.
 
 
My two oldest girls have one in their room. It is nice. It is clean. It is fastened securely to the wall.
 
That mirror doesn't like me.
 
My portable mirror may look rough, but it has a quality the other one doesn't- multiple perspectives. If I'm not looking as good as I think I should, I simply ease the bottom of the mirror out and lean it against the wall.  I don't exaggerate the lean. I don't need to be a giant. I just like the mirror to give me the impression that my legs are about 2 inches longer and that my weight can adjust accordingly. I stretch the porportions, and I stretch the truth. Just a little. No big deal, right?
 
But, my daughters' mirror doesn't let me do that. It is secure. Immobile. And when I get in front of it I swear I shrank because my mind is so used to my skewed self-image. It's the law, and it is cruel.
 
Let's just be clear. Your self-image, that's a heart thing. Not a looks thing. When I look in my daughter's mirror I think I am looking at a failure to exercise, a failure to coordinate, a failure to shower.
 
A failure.
 
My heart condemns me.
 
19 By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; 20 for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. - 1 John 3:19-20
 
When this piece came to me, I dressed it up as a good truth piece. We all skew the truth to make ourselves look better. And who doesn't look into the law and stand face to face with failure?
 
But that was before Easter, back when I was lamenting my sorry state- which is a good thing too, as long as I don't recognize the law as the complete story.
 
When I stare into the immovable truth of the law, I still don't see it all. Not like I think I do. I don't truly fathom the depth of my sin. But God does. He knows everything.
 
He knows that the only thing deeper than the pit of my sin is the depth of His love. That the mirrors I confront are two dimensional illusions. That I ignore what He sees- the total package- and sacrifice it for an incomplete and pitiful mess of a lie staring back at me in a piece of glass.


 
Mandisa's song, "The Truth About Me", played through my mind at about 4am the other morning as the Lord and I laid awake, talking.
 
You say lovely, I say broken.
I say guilty, You say forgiven.
I feel lonely, You say You're with me.
We both know it would change everything
 
If only I believed the truth about me.
 
The truth is I am saved. Those hopeless moments when I am mired in my sin and the muck of this world, and I'm just so certain that nothing will ever get better and what's the point, I'm just going to mess it up again, the Lord reminds me that there is more to the story. That He is quite aware of the depravity of this world, and that no sinful action on my part is going to have Him second-guessing His decision to save me. That no one is going to enter my life or my home without His knowledge. That my children aren't going to encounter any situation that He can't use for their good. That I don't have the one problem He can't solve. That I'm not so messed up that He cannot restore me.
 
And that one day soon I will get to see the whole picture. The neccessity of the cross. The truth of His love. The real triumph of His resurrection. Fully. Completely.
 
I won't have to be turning mirrors every which way to get a load of my "good side." It'll all be good. It will all be the truth.
 
And it's beauty will be amazing.