Why Speaking Life isn't Cute- it's Critical

The sentence that draws a groan from the mouths of parents of healthy kids everywhere... "There's something going around."

Sick. And the animated germs float through the various scenarios in our mind as we reluctantly, intentionally, put our children in close quarters with other potentially contagious human beings.

At school.
Work.
Store.
Library.
Church.

And the only way to escape contamination is quarantine. Not of the sick- of the healthy. Who has time for that?

So as the coughs and sniffles infiltrate our home atmosphere, I have to ponder another illness with symptoms just as apparent and far more damaging.

Toxic words.

It's not a new concept. As old as sin itself, toxic words have been creeping around here lately and it really is time to knock them out.

The breath God Himself breathed into the first man, that He gives us graciously so that we may praise and exalt His name, we transform into noxious vapors bent on destruction. And any ignorant, careless, even harmless statement injures us. The pain turns our focus inward and we perpetuate the pain in the ears of another. Continuing the cycle. Spreading the germ of hurt and hate.

I wish I could say there was a vaccination. A way to prevent the hurtfulness of others from invading our hearts and poisoning our words, but there just isn't- not yet. Pain, death, and sin are tight for sure.

But what sets us apart as God's holy people has never been that we remain emotionless and untouched by human wrongs. It is the Spirit living in us that gives us the strength to stop the spread of the toxicity, and provide the pain relief of love, mercy, forgiveness

What sets us apart is the new life we have in Christ that makes it possible to "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil." (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Let's be honest, the devil will use it all if we give him the chance. He will twist words, thoughts, actions to offend us and break apart the relationships God intends to restore and strengthen. I know far too many families in strife over hurtful speech. Far too many people who have left their church home because someone chose to harbor hurt rather than foster forgiveness.

Left unchecked, the toxicity of our speech can lead to death. You've seen the casualties.

So now what? Now we choose. Do I truly fix my eyes on the Author and Perfecter of my faith? Do I really believe that I belong to and reflect the One and Only man who ever was healthy, who did not quarantine Himself away from the miserable patients, but who came to be Emmanuel, God with us?

Or do I bow down and worship my temper? My anger? My pain? My narcissism? My insecurity?

If you choose the latter, there isn't much I can do for you. But if you truly believe the former, then there is hope. Real, abiding, living hope. And it will refresh your soul.

But first, we all have to be quick to repent. Victim or no, we've knowingly infected those around us. Only through the eyes of forgiveness (not perfection) can we then spread the soothing balm of kindness and understanding to the injured around us.

We can use our platform, our influence, only for what is helpful. That means keeping our raw emotions about other people off Facebook, Twitter, etc. Venting is necessary, no doubt. Find a journal or a trusted and objective friend with which you can work out your difficulties. Sharing our rational opinions on Facebook or wherever, and being open to real feedback is fine, but veiled ranting does no good. In fact, I'll make you a deal. If you really have to get something off your chest, PM me on Facebook or Twitter. If you have my number, call me or text. I'll put it in the vault and you won't suffer the indigestion of eating your words later.

We can pray that God opens our eyes to the hurt snaking into our speech and gives us the resolve to say, "This stops here. I will not let that person's hurt rob me of my joy in Christ and affect my treatment of others".

We can take the difficult relationships in our lives and imagine better. Imagine the best possible way this relationship can be healed, and pray about it. Forgive generously. Then as far as it depends on you, work to make a better relationship. Leave the rest up to God. You do not have the one relationship God cannot heal.

Then when we screw up we can repent again and live in forgiveness daily. It might seem like a cycle, but I'd take a cycle of resurrection over a cycle of death any day. I think you would too.

Let's start a kindness epidemic.

True Life, True Love

I realized while trying to sleep last night... I can't even picture what the blog looks like anymore.

In the midst of moving and major life changes, this blog has fallen by the wayside and in the meantime I have been unsure as to whether or not to continue. In the back of my mind I think "Would anyone care anyway? It's not like you are an Ann Voskamp or Lysa TerKeurst. It's not like you have been signed to a book deal and been endorsed by the rad Jen Hatmaker."

I won't pretend none of that is true. But lately I have been questioning God seriously about purpose. He's opened my eyes to the areas in life where I lack spiritual maturity, and reassured me that He has it all in His control. While I feel like He is scrambling to find a niche for me, He has a plan. He has a place for me. He has a place for each of us and His grace is sufficient. In fact, it is all grace. Grace upon grace.

Plus, I physically feel better when I have worked things out in words.

This morning I intended to visit my own blog and remember the format and ambience once again. The funny thing is I saw this draft waiting in the wings and it's not too far off from how I am feeling. So I am posting it. It's incomplete, but I can fix that. It is my prayer that it speaks to you.

We're all a little too eager to define. Too quick on the draw to place our plastic cutout versions of self on the vehicles of life and add up the sum of our parts to create a version of ourselves that makes sense. So when we hit a bump in the road or a pop-up storm and the sticker starts to peel, fade, crumble, we stare in disbelief.

Really?

Is that all it takes?

And I've abandoned the truth of who I am in Christ for a stick version that shows one face, while I all the time fosters an ugly side, nurturing it toward independence.

I do not need to be independent.

I do not need to be co-dependent either.

But inter-dependent, that is the plan. It always has been.

And self-empowerment is a lie. The worst kind actually. The kind that smacks of truth, but skirts it because it doesn't want to step in the puddle of muddy honesty. Because truth is often simple, and almost always messy.

It is easy to say the words, to chug along life singing the "I can do it" mantra.

Until you can't.

Until your kids will not obey, no matter how you threaten and bribe.

Until you can't tie your hair into a ponytail, or open a cereal bag, or do VBS song motions, because your muscles and joints refuse to cooperate and "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13) seems like a verse made for the truly exceptional. Not for the common struggling straggler. To those in the pit of chronic illness, pain, depression, parenthood, sinfulness, the strength isn't always as apparent and potent as we would like.

It could be the humbling that hurts the worst. Because then we admit that the standard we have set is too high (and way off base) even for ourselves.

It isn't that we can't do things, it is that we read "I can do all things" and assume the responsibility of defining "all" as, well, all. Anything. Everything. And that was never the plan. Adam needed a helper. He could do some things. He could do many things and he did them perfectly, which is more than any of us can hope for in this world. But it was still not good for him to be alone.

The temptation is to read the context of our life into the text of the scripture, instead of the other way around. Paul's situation was dire, but he was speaking of contentedness in all situations. In the face of abundance and need He found He had more than enough to sustain Him and His faith. He had Christ.

And the "all things" no longer means American Dream self-sufficiency.

Paul had Savior Sufficiency.

Then on top of that God gifted Paul with the church in Philippi to meet his needs of body and mind.

There were a lot of things Paul couldn't do, especially while sitting in prison. "All things" couldn't possibly mean self-sufficiency because he was so incredibly limited physically speaking. So you shouldn't be surprised when I say: You can't do it all. You just can't. No one can. And while that means you are limited, it also is evidence of even greater truths.

It is evidence of a God who created you uniquely and who is not content to leave you alone.

It is evidence of a servant God who wants to bestow His love on you in new and exciting ways, often through flawed and lacking people.

It is evidence that God doesn't want to put you or your life in a neat box, but wants to add depth within the mess.

It is evidence that God doesn't do cookie cutter relationships, and His interest in you is the most personal thing in your life.

It is evidence that God has prepared good works for you in the lives of others and He has a purpose tailored for you, struggles and all. And those good works are far beyond anything you can imagine.

It is evidence that you are fully known, and God seeks to meet your weakness with His strength so you can enjoy the grace and fully abundant love He has for you. He loves you so very much.

There is More {to the Story than a Good Samaritan} {GratiTuesday}

A Jew and a Samaritan walk into an inn. Ok, well the Samaritan walks. The Jew is carried. And the familiar parable in Luke 10 tells the rest. So often I relate to the Good Samaritan. And honestly, that seemed to be the main point of Jesus’ parable. At the conclusion of the tale, He asks the question, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?” (verse 36) And we all receive a very poignant message about the lifestyle of generosity.

Then there are those days when I may look like the Samaritan, but I feel like the victim. In fact, one of the most common struggles a chronically ill person encounters is that they don’t look sick. I can tell you that from experience, as well as from countless conversations with chronically ill buddies of mine.

And sometimes you even fool yourself into thinking maybe the outer appearance is telling the truth and you don’t need any help. You should be able to handle this. I’ve done that too.

Well this past summer I made an additional trip to see my rheumatologist. For the past 18 months or so, my wrist had become gradually more swollen and it was time to get that taken care of. So I went in for an ultrasound and a shot of steroids to reduce the swelling.

It was there that I looked into the eye of the monster that was slowly destroying my body. It is hard to explain, but up until that point I had never really seen evidence that my body was deteriorating. I had painfully swollen joints in the past, but even to myself I looked ok. And there were moments where I really felt ok too. But I was still sick.

In the ultrasound, my doctor showed me the literal, undeniable deterioration of my wrist. When I asked what caused the inflammation and fluid buildup her response was, “ That’s just your disease.”

“Oh, JUST my disease.” And we chuckled at the flippancy with which we now referred to my rheumatoid arthritis.

But something changed that day. When I felt my wrist, looked at it, I just couldn’t shake the knowledge that under that skin there was something toxic eating at me.

I went to pick up my children whom my friend had been entertaining at the zoo. God bless her. She prayed for me and over me. God bless her. The swelling went down. In a few days my wrist was tip top. And God and I had a little conversation about helping others. Did I want to be healed completely? You know it! But I had it in my heart that there was something larger at work than a miraculous healing. There was a ministry here.

Hurt people sometimes hurt people. But helped people also help people.

I wanted to be healed, but more than that. I wanted to be helped. Healing would come eventually one way or another, and maybe not on this earth. But the helping, that could happen immediately. And if that was God’s intention, then that was sufficient for me.

My disease is a constant reminder that there are a whole lot of people out there that look ok, but they aren’t ok. Not on the inside. And they need help too.

So what do the Samaritans do? Love. Serve. Help. Notice the Samaritan in Jesus’ story never healed the robbed man. He cared for him. He helped him.

None of us have a call to heal. Take that off your shoulders right now.  You were never meant to carry the burden of healing- only the Great Physician can handle that. But you were called to help and be helped. Not because God needs a hand, but because in helping others you get to join in the marvelously detailed process God uses to care for His creation. You get a front-row seat to the unfolding of His plan for His people. It is a blessing to bless.

But here is one more important note: Maybe at this point your head is spinning because you can’t even conceive of helping anyone else when you can’t even help yourself.  You are the Jew left for dead. You have been through the wringer of illness, betrayal, grief, or any number of tragedies. And for that there is no condemnation, only know this: you are being helped. Even when you can’t see or feel it, God loves you enough to endure your struggle right there with you. You are not encountering, in fact you CANNOT encounter, anything God hasn’t already overcome in your stead.

Read these words for you. In fact, make it personal. Read it aloud twice and substitute the parenthesized words the second time through.

“For we (I) do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our (my) weaknesses, but we (I) have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are (I am)- yet was without sin. Let us (me) then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we (I) may receive mercy and find grace to help us (me) in our (my) time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Sometimes you are the Jew. Sometimes you are the Samaritan. At all times you are the beloved child of God. Even in helping you are being helped to help. You have a God who carries every detail of the ways of man, and you will not slip through His fingers.

God, bless us and open our eyes in thanksgiving for Your almighty and all-merciful help today. May it give us joy that bursts the bonds of our struggles and frees us to serve others in Your name. 

Lord, Help Me... {When Pain is a Gift}

I’m in the middle of reading 3 parenting books right now. Sounds a bit desperate, I know. Well, I’m really only technically “in the middle” of one of the books. Which happens to be fabulous and changed my perspective on princess parenting. The others (also awesome) I’m about a chapter or two into. I tell myself I just need to sit with those chapters and let them settle in my mind and life before I move on. Don’t want to rush these things, right? Truth is, by the time I get back to reading them, those things I learned in the previous chapters will have settled so far down I will have to reread them just to stir them back to the surface, if ya know what I mean…

I'm also "in the middle" of Lysa TerKeurst's new book, The Best Yes.

And 3 autobiographies.

And 2 fictional books. One of which is the second book of the second series I am "in the middle" of. The other series I need to complete... well I got the second book of that series at the library a couple days ago and I am so excited to start reading it...

I need help. 

What I really wanted you to know is just that. That is why I'm reading 3 parenting help books and a "self-help" book. Those other books are just fun facts to enlighten you on the type of person I am.

And when this morning I explained (quite loudly) to my two-year-old that no, I was NOT going to get her toast because Mommy needs to sit and read the BI-BLE... yeah. I needed a bit of help this morning.

What about you? What do you need? Help? Physical, emotional, spiritual? No, I"m really asking. Seriously I want to know. Here. On my Facebook page. On my Twitter handle @LJensensational. Shoot me an email at sljensen0129(at)me(dot)com.

If God could give you an extra dose of something... what would it be?

Why do I ask?

Because today I woke up painfully aware that I needed help. My wrist was killing me. I've been given a disease that at best is annoying. At worst crippling. And the arthritis affects my right wrist more than any other area.

So I thumbed through Isaiah "randomly" searching for what I needed to hear this morning and I just knew that Isaiah 41 had that something I needed to hear. So I skimmed it just make sure it wasn't a lot of wrath and foreboding. (I was pretty sure it wasn't, but didn't want to get through it and wonder why I read it... I know that's not a good attitude, I know.)

Then I read these words in Isaiah 41:8-10: 

You, Israel, my servant, 

Jacob whom I have chosen, 

the offspring of Abraham, my friend; 

you whom I took from the ends of the earth, and called from its farthest corners, 

saying to you, 

"You are my servant, 

I have chosen you 

and not cast you off"; 

fear not, for I am with you; 

be not dismayed, for I am your God; 

I will strengthen you and help you, 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

(emphasis mine)

There are sooooo many goodies in these verses. Pages and books worth. But this morning I needed strength. I needed my right hand. I had neither. And God said, "You are mine. I chose you. I called you. Stop being afraid. I will be your strength. Stop trying to do it all. Your right hand is weak. Mine is strong. I will hold you up with my own hand." 

God knows I tend to rely on my own hands. Which is at best annoying. At worst crippling. So He gives me the only thing He knows can get the job done- His own hands.

And I think you might do that too. Rely on your hands when God's are the only ones that can do the job. That's why I want to know what you need. Because I want to write about that. I want to dig into the Word and search for God's hands of help... with you. Let's do that together. They are there. Let's grab them and never let go.

He has called you. Chosen you. You are His. He promises strength, help, courage, and far more. Let's take Him up on the offers. 

Praying God blesses your day, and that He leads you with His amazingly righteous right hand!

-----

On a side note: a prayer of Thanksgiving! God helped me spiritually and physically yesterday (right after I wrote this post). This morning I woke up with almost no pain in my wrist and I am just sooooo thankful for that!

Diary of a Wimpy Parent

"Hey, Mom! I know! There should be a book called Diary of a Wimpy Parent; Kid Fever!"

Not sure exactly what prompted that except that we took a family walk after a very loud, very eventful supper, which was after a very loud, very eventful library snack time. And I was dra-gging.

"Good idea, G. You think I should write that book?"
"Yeah!"
Oldest always-knows-the-right-thing-to-say-daughter chimed in, "But, Mom, you're not a wimp."

I literally did not have the energy to laugh out loud on that one. I forced out a half-chuckle as I mustered the muscle to open the door to the house that I was only walking into because if the neighbors saw me sleeping in the driveway they might get a little concerned.

Diary of a Wimpy Parent felt just a bit autobiographical at that moment.

And you should see circles under these eyes today... could be the detox eating program I am doing. On. Day. Three...or the kids... or...anyway.

But the conversations I have been having lately have been circling around strength a lot. What makes you strong? Not letting the chaos out? Not letting the stress overwhelm you? Or is it admitting that this life is hard? Sometimes really really hard. Confessing you need help- and not the "pray for me" alone help, the "I need to talk to someone" help. The "I can't do this job alone" help.

As Christians, it's easy to get into the mindset that if we have God, we really don't need anyone else. But while God is obviously the most important, most faithful, most fulfilling partner we have in this life, to stop needing others is to reject the means by which God serves us.

God created Adam, and while God supplied all Adam's needs, He knew that Adam needed a partner, a helpmeet. God gave Adam the gift of a friend beyond his own friendship with God. Linked to his friendship with God. He gave Adam family, Eve. So when those perfect relationships were corrupted, Satan snuck in that little lie about self-sufficiency. Autonomy. Which is why God wrote into the laws how His people were to help and provide for each other. He knew our tendency to turn inwards in self-service and self-destruction.

God knew our propensity to believe that we could do it on our own. Without each other. Which meant without Him.

He knew we would be confronted with our own weaknesses and be tempted to despair instead of giving others the opportunity to fulfill their calling to help us. He knew we would rather rob someone of the joy of serving us in the name of the Lord than appear weak.

So I've been considering this when others have offered to help. Saying yes. Every time. (Ok, almost every time.) Because my reasons for saying no usually have less to do with my needs, and more to do with my pride. I don't enter this lightly with a diva attitude, but with a humble posture. I do what I can. I really do. But maybe if we stopped trying so hard to do it on our own, we would give joy to those who want to help us, and find the joy in helping others as well. Maybe that means talking to someone who has chosen to help people as a profession. Maybe that means scheduling in a much needed coffee time. I don't know what it looks like for you, but I do know this:

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, 'Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.'”

1 Corinthians 1:26-31

He does it still. All the time. He uses the world's wimps to defeat Goliaths every day. To bring glory to His name. So we can look at our lives and say, "Wow, I was way too weak to handle that, but God provided. He sure did provide."