Owning Your Right Here Purpose

Working in the universe that is the local church, I have been thinking about Christmas since about the beginning of October. You know, just a couple months after Hobby Lobby displayed their Santa crafts in the back of the store. If you are not in the mood to contemplate Holiday cheer, I'm inflicting it on you anyway. So, sorry not sorry ;)


This past weekend I had the privilege to attend a conference for the "Belong Tour". In case you've never been to an event like this, these big-time writers, singers, fitness trainer Christian women put together a conference to speak and create a space for women of all walks of life to "Belong". Good premise, good conference. I thought of things in a new way. I was inspired. And I bonded with some amazing women. If the conference was designed to make me feel like I belonged, mission accomplished.


It was also a great avenue for children to be adopted through World Vision, for supporting families wracked from life-threatening illnesses in their children, and for us women to find our "lane" (our purpose), get into it, and do great things in the name of the Lord.

The last thing spoke to many women, no doubt. Me included. Here I was watching women do the things I love to do- write, teach, and make music. Check, check, check. Congrats, ladies. You are all living my dream.

But towards the end of the conference and in the days that followed, I have had to step back and recalibrate. Honestly, my dream is not to be up on the stage with those women. I wouldn't turn it down, but I am not making that my end goal.

Here is my end goal- and here is where Christmas comes in. (I know you've been waiting for it.) My end goal is to follow the path I am on and not spend so much time planning for the future that I miss this stuff going on right here and right now. At the end of my life I will not be disappointed that I never made it big. I will be disappointed if my life passed me by and I was so distracted by the future that I was never fully in the present.

I want to be like Mary. We look at the people that line our bookshelves or teach on stages and think that is about the most obvious evidence of greatness there could be. But here's what I think- and this is especially for you parents of young kids- your life may feel like it is in a holding pattern right now. You may look forward to those things you can do when the kiddos grow up a little, but the truth is there is value in what you are doing right now. This minute. (After all, you are reading this blog.)

Mary had a baby. One step in the direction God asked her to go. It wasn't fancy. Quite the opposite. It was about as basic as could be. But after that she was amazing simply because she continued to be present. We see it in the Gospels. She was there until the end, and beyond. What if I could simply be wherever Jesus is? Even if He is just in my living room?

I'm accepting the fact that anyone can write a book. Some will even be successful. Maybe one day I will see my book in a bookstore. Maybe I won't. But my purpose doesn't lie in the pages of a book. It lies in simple trust. One step, no matter how mundane, can be transformed by God into a life of beautiful service, and if He is the only one who ever sees it, that is enough. He rewards what is done in secret. And He has given us tasks so specifically designed for us we can't even fathom it. I am the only wife to my husband. I am the only mother to my kids. No one else gets to do that.

So I want to encourage you where you are. Maybe you do feel like you are in a holding pattern. Maybe you would like to live your life like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book and go back and try a different path. But God has you here for a reason. All He desires is your trust. He lavished love on us when He sent His Son for us and He has. not. stopped. since then. You are precious. You are His masterpiece. Own it.

Sick, Tired, and Totally Blessed Out

It took ten minutes maybe to get the phone call from the school. We had just dropped our youngest off at 4K and made our way to pick up some coffee before a kid free morning date at Aldi when my husband's phone rang. He answered it, listened, hung up, and turned us around. Unbeknownst to us, Heidy was sick. That cold sore I saw in her mouth that morning? The one that made me think "weird"? It wasn't weird. It was Hand Foot and Mouth Disease.

And let me tell you- HFMD is no joke. We are on Day 6 of the illness.

Yet, this whole experience reminds me of what a loving God we have. It actually illuminates 4 important points to me about our relationship with God and each other.

1. Our sickness does not sway God's love. God is not disgusted by us. He is holy. He cannot be in the presence of our sinfulness, yet He loves us completely. No matter how feverish and slobbery and whiny my daughter is, my heart is full of love for her. Her chubby little legs are still adorable. Her arms strung around my neck warm me to the bones. There are times, recent times, when I am disgusted by myself. I repeat my sins. I am whiny. I don't trust God. I am spiteful and short with my kids and husband. I make myself a martyr and then resent others for not noticing. I am jealous. I am lazy.
And I am still loved. I belong to the Father, and He knew what He was getting when He bought me. His love is everlasting and unconditional. When He looks at us He doesn't see lemons. He sees His children; His sick children clothed in the sacrifice of His perfect Son. He doesn't love me any more or less than He did yesterday because He loves me completely every day. And He loves you in the same way.

2. Quarantine might be a good way to keep a virus from spreading, but when it comes to sinfulness we are way too late. Quarantine isn't an effective lifestyle. We aren't to dabble in ungodly living, but the goal is not to lead lives where grace is unnecessary. The goal is to get out there and love our sick neighbors actively and completely. And if we sin in the process (which we will because we are sick too) there is grace for that. There is a reason that Jesus said when you visit the imprisoned, you are doing it to Him too. Quarantine works for disease control, but it was never meant to be a permanent way to live. God, reveal to me the people I have avoided...

3. We should be less concerned with "catching something" from others, and more about others "catching something" from us. Grumbling is contagious, but Grace can be too. If I am more aware of the Grace I am carrying in my body through the work of the Holy Spirit, I will be less worried about the potential sickness of sinfulness around me. The words of others may sting, but they won't cling. The baffling decisions people make to ruin their lives or the lives of others will move me to action and compassion instead of judgment and division.

And here may be the best one of all: God is looking forward to our healing even more than we are. A couple nights ago my daughter was feeling well enough (thank you Tylenol and smoothies) to dance. She donned her hot pink fedora and black cowboy boots and smiled for the first time in days. I nearly cried. It was a glimpse of my little girl coming back to me.

I used to think our good works pleased God because in Christ we are His kids and He delights in the fact that we are showing His love to those around us. I still think that's the case, but now I think there is another side to it. I think in those moments where we serve and delight in God, we are a glimpse of what we are truly meant to be. Like my dancing daughter. The snapshot may be blurry, but you can see in that moment a vague indicator of the joy that will be ours when we are our fullest and truest selves. And that glimpse touches the heart of the God who alone knows who we were created to be. As much as I long to be healed and whole, God longs for it all the more. But He is gracious and patient and willing to wait for that day with us. I can't think of anything more comforting than that.

So please continue to keep my family in your prayers as we trudge through the sick season, and I will pray for you too. One day we will all be healed and we will all be together.

The Post Where I Broach the Subject of People-Induced Stress

My son's balloon lasted all of 2 minutes this morning, and the "POP" that heralded its demise was music to my ears.

I am not balloonaphobic, or some sort of balloon bigot. It is just that the benefits of their delightfully cheap mode of entertainment is often outweighed by the obnoxious distraction they are when we have stuff to get done. Like getting ready for school, for example.

So when the kids discovered the treasury of old balloons stashed in the garage amongst God-only-knows-what, and then proceeded to slobber all over them before shoving their shimmering, slimy, limp balloons in my face to the chorus of "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE," I was done. I thought of every single thing they had to accomplish before I would even contemplate touching one of those slobbery rubber specimens.

The kiddos were diligent and completed their tasks. I wiped the balloons off thoroughly, blew them up substantially (in hopes their lifespan would be diminished due to explosion), and handed them off to my husband to tie off since my arthritic fingers could not get the job done.

Then this morning my son comes in with a balloon he's blown up and asks me to tie it. I remind him who I am and what I am capable of, and he seeks out his dad. The balloon is tied, banished to the boy's bedroom, and promptly popped on the popcorn ceiling. Victory.

This morning, I empathized with the balloon.

For almost a year now I have submitted to a regiment of nutrition and lifestyle guidelines in an effort to heal my body of the chronic illness of rheumatoid arthritis.* As is typical for most RA sufferers, after years and years of medication the medicines stopped working. Then one day God directed some people into my life that put me on a path to healing. A path with strict nutrition guidelines, rest prescriptions, and the limiting of stress. A ministry family with 4 kids- what could go wrong?

The nutrition has become second nature, and my lack of coffee and sugar of any kind really doesn't stress me out like it once did. My daily allotment of rest is a little tougher to handle since I don't have any substances to prop me up. I used to "run on dunkin'" and now I walk tortoise-like through each day hoping to get as much done as possible.

It's the stress that I have had to watch closely. Because out of all three guidelines stress is the most unpredictable.

And I don't think this is true for just me.

I have had to view my life through latex. I have had to monitor the pressure in my balloon. I have had to decide exactly what to fill my life with because if I am careless I will explode, and that means physical pain.

I am convinced I am not the only person struggling with stress, so I am going to share with you lovely readers what I have found to be an incredibly helpful tool (outside the Bible directly) to handle people-induced stress.

So you know what to look for
in the bookstore.

Brant Hansen is a hilarious human being. I haven't met him personally, but I listen to his podcast, which is pretty much the same thing. I am sure I will see him someday and he will know precisely who I am since he talks to me so frequently. His writing has me scrambling for a pen to underline, and annoying my husband with "Listen to this!" He is transparent and  definitely unafraid to be a "non-example" of what to do. I purchased his book Unoffendable after hearing his segment on The Eric Metaxas Show podcast. What I expected was a methodical walk through the Scriptures to prove his point that we are not at all entitled to our anger. What I received was a confrontation, not to my beliefs, but to the way I was living- and I didn't even know I was doing it. I realized that if I really took the Bible seriously on this point it would change my life immediately. I ordered the book and loved it. He didn't waste time making up new truths. He said, "Here's what the Bible says about how we should view our anger and this is what it looks like in real life." It made me think and practice, and I can see a difference.

It's chapter titles like this that keep me reading...

The chronically ill part of me loves this benefit- when I am not wasting my energy and life clutching the offenses against me, I have more energy and patience for the things I love. People-induced stress is one of the biggest drains on our lives. Since we can't take the "people" part out, why not follow God's prescription of forgiveness?

I wish I could sum the book up in a sentence, but I don't want to cheat you out of reading it. It is a quick and witty read which complements the depth of its meaning quite perfectly.

What I will say is this:

Today is a new day. A day to practice forgiveness in the little things because some day we will have to practice forgiveness for something big, and won't it be easier if our forgiveness muscles aren't all atrophied and whatnot? 

A day to face that same person who gets our goat over and over again and forgive them before they ever open their mouth.

A day to remember that we have been saved not because we are the moral superior to an

 

 
yone, but because God loves us fully and completely through the work of His Son, Jesus Christ.

A day to remember that we have already received the best news we will ever get, and to let that color our response to the infractions against us that pale in comparison to our eternal salvation.

A day to refuse to be shocked by the callousness and carelessness of humanity, and to let things go because haven't we all been callous and careless and isn't it forgiveness to which God calls us?


A day to trade our anger for action. Anger doesn't accomplish the righteousness God requires (James 1:20). Love in action does that.


A day to quit our occupation of judge. Retire! Let someone else discern people's motives and judge people's hearts- someone like God. We really aren't that good at it anyway.


A day to let go of our imaginary control. God knows our issues. He knows what has gone down. He is a God of mercy and a God of justice- just look at the cross.


A day to wipe the scoreboard of offense clean and look at our offender through the eyes of the One who made them.


A day to rest in who God is, and who you are in Him. You are forgiven and loved completely.




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* In case you are wondering- yes, the program is working.

A Time to Celebrate

"So... there is just this stuff that squirts water at us?" My oldest sounded less than enthused. She'd never been to a splash pad. Neither had I for that matter.  

"Basically," I responded with some enthusiasm. "Let's just try it out. I've heard it's really great." And so as the temperature made its inevitable ascent, we 5 piled into the van for an adventure 30 minutes away. 

Let me just say the kids were totally impressed. We drove up to an enormous jungle gym coupled closely with the satisfyingly wet splash pad. Kids screaming as they careened through walls of water, little boys laughing recklessly as they sat on streams of water shooting from the ground. It was all hilarity and mayhem, and my kids fit right in. 

It's not lost on me that in the past days we have been celebrating, laughing even, while our nation mourns, while we shake our heads and wonder at the depths of depravity all around us. We have prayed. We have called for justice. And then we have smiled as our kids run abandoned through a park of water.  

We celebrated on Sunday as well. My husband celebrated 10 years in the pastoral ministry and the church banded together with funny t-shirts and prayers and a standing ovation. We ate delicious cake with purple frosting and took pictures to post on Facebook. 

I thought of those who were mourning. The people Scott preached about. Those who need the hope of Christ. And here is what hit me- we are to minister to those in pain, to comfort with the comfort we ourselves have received from God, but that comfort is nothing if we spend all our resources focusing on the injustice to the exclusion of the goodness God pours freely every single day. 

Rejoice in the Lord always. Give thanks in all circumstances. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all His benefits. 

My kids ran recklessly, showered, misted, doused with the refreshing water. And no amount of sorrow made them any less wet. The atrocities of humankind, and I am not ignoring that the acts taken recently have been particularly atrocious, cannot diminish the goodness of our God. We are saturated with His love. 

The schemes of the devil can in no way diminish the glory of our God. They cannot remove our salvation. They cannot reverse the atonement of Christ. They cannot put Jesus back in the tomb. They cannot rob me of the faith that is mine in Christ.  

And he knows this so he distracts us. He deceives us into thinking that our brooding and battle lines will do more good than giving glory to the only One who can defeat death and bring true peace. I thank God every time I see a post on Facebook that acknowledges the hurt and evil around us in light of the gospel. 

We are called to minister, to bind up, to cry out for justice. We are called to pray and seek God's will. We see all those things in the Psalms. We are not called to despair, become cynics, or doomsday prophets.   

There is a time for everything, but never a time to forget the goodness of God.

We are called to recognize and proclaim the saturating, penetrating, love of a God who grieves with us, but not like us, because even in the darkest times He knows He is working all things for good. And as that ethereal "good" proves too elusive for our fallen eyes, He gives us His Spirit. 

So I am trying again to be more intentional about celebrating God. To love, mourn, pray, listen, and celebrate deliberately. Because we should not let satan win his little battles in words of hopelessness and "what do we do now?" 

Thanks only to the God of the universe we are more than conquerors, and that is something worth seriously celebrating. 

Seeing Beyond Me

Finding Dory made me feel, deeply. Triumph, loss, joy, love. And discomfort.




Ok, not the whole time. Just some of the time. I won't spoil the movie for all the poor unfortunates who haven't seen it yet, but my GOODNESS. She would get so close to finding her parents, and SLAM. Another obstacle! Another stinking obstacle! I assume the creators wanted to make Dory seem even that much more amazing because when the chips were way down on the ocean floor, and all seemed hopeless even to me ("Remember, Lauren. It's a movie. It's a Disney movie for crying out loud. It will work out. It will. But HOW?") Dory never gave up hope. Yeah, it worked.




That wasn't the uncomfortable thing for me though. Well not the only uncomfortable thing.




One of the characters is near sighted. Like me. And when the picture entered her point of view and all was fuzzy and Dory was a "little blue blob" a part of me felt a hint of panic. I could be the only one of thousands of near sighted people who felt that way, but it is a bit unnerving to be confronted with a very real handicap that you have "corrected" in a moment when you least expect it. Now was it
funny? Yes. Did it give me a good way to explain my own limitations to my family? You bet. So bravo Disney/Pixar. You brought forth the really unnerving question:




Is the near-sightedness limited to my physical body?




Um, no.




It creeps deep into my consciousness.




"No one cares what you think."
"You have nothing new to say."
"You don't know what you are talking about."
"Who wants to read one person's opinion?"
"You should be spending your time on something else."
"You are wasting people's time."
"Don't bother investing the time when you will probably just fail anyway."




Gross. It makes me cry just typing those things out loud.




Compound on that the guilty feeling that the problem is my lack of faith, and I am broken.




I have no tidy answer.




I have only the faint echo in this canyon that sounds:


Give thanks in all circumstances.


If faith required seeing, it wouldn't be faith.


If faith required a "feeling" it wouldn't be faith.


Faith is a verb. Faith is trust.


Faith is action even when you don't feel what you think you should feel.


Faith is acting on what you know is right even when it is plain old scary.


Don't underestimate what God can do. Don't sell Him short.


Just take one more step.




Maybe you aren't near-sighted. Maybe you see this world and God's plan 20-20.


Or maybe you see the obstacles and they are so much nearer and clearer than all the fuzziness in the future and you just want to circle your tank in safety.




I really don't think you were made for captivity. None of us were. We are free in Christ and if the Son sets us free we are truly free.




And we can take our eyes off ourselves and focus them on the Savior. It takes practice and I am just relearning. Thank God He is patient and straight-up relentless.




God grant us the courage to trust in You, make the next move, and just keep swimming.